Washington

Restless

Connie’s marital status changed from married to middle-aged divorcee with harrowing speed. The title ‘divorcee’ left an ashen aftertaste in her mouth. No amount of pacing during the sleepless hours of the night alleviated the flashbacks, the feeling of unwantedness. I’m alone, again. The deep ache of hopelessness twisted within her.    

        What got to Connie was how fast it happened. One day, she celebrated her birthday, two months later she was divorced. The excessive pace gave her a form of emotional whiplash.

Lance had accepted her offer. Derek, her divorce lawyer, saw to it. He was young, up-beat, but his hazel eyes could shoot arrows if he didn’t like what he saw. No wonder Monique recommended him. And it was those hazel eyes that caught Mia’s attention on a personal level.

Monique de Rossi, her guiding, albeit dark light, whose unconventional idea of black mail provided a quick end to the divorce, watched as Connie restlessly wandered through the living room.

           “Sweetie, I know it's tough going through all that emotional stuff. It’s going to take time, so stop fighting it. You should stay here, with me, and figure out what you want instead of making hasty decisions. Consider this an opportunity, not a problem. Especially since our little heist leaves you wealthy and with no financial worries. Of course, having Derek as your lawyer helped. Isn’t he hardcore?”

“Even if I got nothing from the divorce, I wouldn’t be poor. I’ve been saving and buying stocks and bonds since age eighteen. When my mom died, I got a bit of inheritance. I used half to get an apartment, the other half I invested. At first, I regretted investing money because I had no idea how expensive life on my own was. But when things got better, I was relieved I had the sense to put it aside and then kept adding to it. When I got married, half of my income went into our joint account. Most of the rest went into savings. Lance assumed I’d spent it all.” Connie kept pacing.  

Monique whistled. “You’ve been keeping secrets. How admirable.”

Connie nodded, but her agreement was perfunctory. The corners of her lips didn't lift, and her eyes remained empty. She’s right, I came out well, Lance always kept his word, so why is this so hard? Shouldn’t I go out and celebrate?

It was past midnight and even the crickets and frogs chirping late into the summer night had gone to bed. And Connie tried not think about the last few months. She worked hard on not getting sucked into that black pit inside of her that threatened to consume her.

Monique got out of the oversized leather chair and stretched. Her pajama top tightened across a soft, slightly bulky, belly. “You should come with me when I visit Bruce in Minnesota. I’m going the same time when Pete has his tournament. We could watch him, go shopping. They have that huge mall there; it'd be fun. You could also come with me to Chetumal, help me furnish the new house there. Meanwhile, I can give you one of my Percocet if you need help sleeping.” Monique offered.

Connie opened the terrace door. “Yeah, you might be right, it’d be good for me to get out of Seattle. Derek mentioned taking a caving trip to South Dakota. I’m wondering if he’s inviting me on account that he started dating my daughter while handling my divorce.” She sighed again, leaning against the open door.

“Traveling is a great idea. It’ll be a distraction. For now, I'll sit outside for a bit longer, think things over. And no to the chemical aid, thanks.”

           Her friend leaned toward her and kissed her the cheek. “Try and get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.”

            Connie nodded. She glanced at her empty water glass. I could use some more water. But she’d have to go to the kitchen to get it. And since she lost two people in a kitchen, she realized a strange apprehension towards that particular room. She sat down the glass and stepped outside, where she fell into one of the lawn chairs.

          She wanted to believe the lie she told Monique; that all she worried about was what her next step would be. Except she felt that there was something else, something darker. The words Lance spoke to her after they signed the divorce settlement. Don't even think about coming back for more, or you'll find out how badly you messed up. This is your only free ride, spend it wisely.

            She knew Lance Morrigan as pragmatic. And while he wasn't always forthcoming with details, she never considered him a crock. Maybe it was time to reevaluate that opinion. He caved too easily. She used the term ‘laundering money’, but she didn’t actually believe it. But he did acquiesce rather quickly. And now she wondered if there would be unforeseen consequences.  

Her fingers played with a loose string of the cushion. Gazing at the stars, she threw the pressing question into the vast universe:  

What am I supposed to do now?